“Hey doc! What do you think about “select sports?”
My answer?
Do you have a half hour and access to PowerPoint?
Because if you’re looking for a lame “yes” or “no” answer, you’ve asked the wrong guy.
I care. And because I care, it takes more than a blasé response.
Heck, guys. I started this l entire website because of questions like this.
It’s an important question. It matters, and we are all living it in real-time.
But it takes time if you really are looking for an actionable answer. It takes discussion.
(Or if you just can’t – my 12 point summary is at the bottom….ugh.)
As my writing has shifted focus dramatically toward the parenting genre, I’m getting more involved with many parent groups. It’s been great!
One of my favorite groups involves parents of kids in competitive sports. I love it for:
- Sports is my true love.
- I made a career out of sports performance and injury treatments and prevention.
- I lecture and research this topic.
- There is a dramatic shift in the science of performance research at this age and what really makes a difference in their continued progression and growth.
- It’s a huge – billion-dollar business Worldwide and with $ comes problems.
- There’s a lot of misinformation/personal belief/emotion/ and stress inherent in mixing sports with parenting.
- The world is different than it was “back in my/your day”
And most important…
- I’m right there with you –
I’m LIVING this. This minute!
So before reading on. Let me lay out just a little street cred because, y’all, there’s no shortage of people spouting off opinions on youth sports right now, literally millions of links are available for you to confirm your already preset beliefs.
So who am I to have an opinion and why should you care?
I have 4 kids involved in about 7 sports.
This very minute, One is at hoops, then goes off to sports conditioning directly after. He’s high school age.
One is at an all-day basketball camp. Her twin is at home in the top bunk because she has a cold and is exhausted. Middle School age.
One was supposed to be at swimming in completely the opposite direction and hitching a ride with a family friend to get there. Elementary age. We’ll get to that.
That gives me some experience.
I coach youth soccer, and our teams are pretty competitive. My wife coaches youth basketball and track and she’s every bit the sports nerd I am. Both of us were college athletes, personal trainers and are sports-based chiropractors with a focus on sports as our profession. We still work with athletes at all levels, daily.
This gives us a fairly high level of expertise and knowledge of human physiology, recovery, and performance enhancement.
We tend to watch sports the way many watch ballet. I don’t have many favorite teams because I tend to cheer for individuals and have a love for athletic endeavors that are just a little nutty.
This makes me a fan of sports. A True “Yes man” of sports for kids. In fact, nearly all of my free-lance research as an undergrad was into weight lifting and sports training for kids -safety/efficacy, etc.
I follow, experiment, and write about trending ideas in the sports performance world and have dedicated 4 years to a non-paid website sharing this information for whoever wants it.
I am asked these questions every single day by parents and kids, hoping for a direct easy answer similar to what a 90 sec. Tiktok video would give and I NEVER answer anything with an easy answer.
Simple answers to complex questions drive me nuts and keep me up at night!
This gives me repetition and scientific experimentation to see what works and what doesn’t.
So before tackling this mountain of a loaded question, hopefully, you understand that I have some level of “dog in the game” and experience. It’s important to know the background of advice giver’s sometimes. (although less and less it seems)
Caveat # 1
if you are 100% positive that you are doing everything perfectly and there is no room for discussion, and no matter what I present in the following, you will keep doing it your way, basically because you drew a line in the sand 5 years ago- Then save yourself some time don’t read this article. Nothing I can say or do would sway your opinion or give you a different mindset anyway, so just keep on doing you.
I would prefer you move on to something more concerning for you.
There’s nothing wrong with parenting that way.
In fact, I just told my wife that this is one of the deepest articles I’ve written but is sure to be read by next to zero people.
Why? Because we’re all deeply tied into emotion for this question.
Before all things, I think parents know their kids better than some stranger on the internet and should never base ANY of their parenting decisions on some random guy’s opinion.
This article is for those like me.
Those interested in ideas that may help them see things from a different perspective and help them shape their own ideas about a difficult, “no answer is completely perfect” scenario.
Because that’s a stress reliever. It makes for more enjoyment and less anxiety and pressure. Kids’ sports already have way more of that than it needs to.
I’ve dodged this question for years now, it’s time for me to step up to the plate as it’s one of the more frequent things I am asked both professionally, and online.
Hey doc, what do you think about “select sports” for kids?
I was asked this question twice yesterday.
Once from a dad that has an 11-year-old kid playing more baseball games than a professional man being paid millions of dollars.
Once from a mom who is so stressed about her kid falling behind yet has a son who just isn’t really interested in anything this summer yet is being shuttled around to camps, training, private coaches, etc.
What do I think of select sports is an incredibly deep, multi-faceted question with all kinds of angles, plot twists, ideas, recommendations, science, coaches’ ideas, and nuances, yet it will always come to me packaged as a “yes or no” answer.
This, from my own son- just now?
“Hey, what are you writing?”
“Article on kids’ select teams?”
“What’s your take?”
“It’s 16 pages, man.”
“Quick, in a one-word answer?”
“Uhhhh. DEPENDS”
So OK, after a year of stalling, here is my answer:
“You can’t trap me- it takes a little explanation.”
Sorry, but not sorry – there is No easy answer.
After today, my go-to will be, “Click this link. Here’s an article I wrote!”
Here’s the prepackaged answer I use in the clinic.
“I can see it from a few different angles.
I think the science is pretty solid at this point that multisport well-rounded athletes, being asked to use their body in different positions, impacts, and movement while at the same time fitting in plenty of speed work, explosion, position shift, and strength, all while allowing and even forcing RECOVERY and REST is definitely becoming the standard.”
(link the 3 components of fitness are now 4)
“It’s what nearly every professional group is showing. Nutrition has a tremendous effect too. And that’s not stated enough. A perfect practice session followed up by fast food isn’t maximizing results.”
“ If you’re trying to create the best 20-year-old, young adult, there is just simply no hiding from this science.”
That’s just real…
Real for a hypothetical kid, that is a general consensus of “standard” and maximizing athletic potential while taking into account ideas like growth phases, hormone optimization, injury reduction and recovery in an effort to maximize overall general performance indicators. And shooting for the best young adult!
It’s easy to think of this as an overly simplified analogy of the old-day soviet union/ eastern block athletes.
“Let’s maximize young Ivan here to be a beast. We don’t know what kind of beast yet, just a beast athlete who is better than average. A guy that can box, wrestle, lift 200 pounds overhead, and do a roundoff back tuck at 215 lbs. A guy that can run 400m in less than a minute and bench press 250 pounds. A guy that can run a mile in 6 minutes and box jump 40 inches. Once we’ve created this marvel of ancient Greece Olympics, we can then find a sporting venue that fits his tastes and disposition best, to maximize his potential.
Again, that’s the science. increased performance, longevity, and injury reduction.
But there’s just too much real life for this to be the answer for all kids.
That’s why it’s such a loaded question.
Because For every kid out there that loves doing a billion Sports, there is that one kid that lives for baseball.
He watches baseball every day. He puts his batting glove in his back pocket just like his favorite player. His stance, the way he holds the bat, the way he adjusts his cup, the type of shoes, and the glove he wears mimic his favorite players. He dreams about baseball every single night. Yeah, there’s that kid too.
Who would rob a kid that loves the sport to that degree of his passion? Who would tell him, ”You can’t play baseball today, I need you to…” whatever.
These kids, by love and Passion alone, have already taken their preferred sports path. Select ball is built for them. I would never encroach on that, and I know and work with many of these kids. They are awesome kids with awesome families.
The real problem comes up in that every kid is different, AND the reality that every sport in the modern era has become “select.”
That’s a real problem, as my own kids are crazy talented at a lot of sports. Soccer, basketball Volleyball, track, beach vb, surfing, cross country. Their favorite sport is whatever it is they are doing right now.
Every league, coach, team parent, and friend wants them on their team because they are fun, silly, and GOOD. Good players going to Good teams makes for better teams. More wins against better competition drive more success and a faster learning curve.
Dude, I get it!
I see the science, but I also see the real-world application and results. Typically back to back clients at the same hour…daily.
So like I said. The answer is about perspective. I endorse both, depending on your situation.
Here’s what I want to add as I think the question of “What do You think of Select sports?” opens up all kinds of other ideas that a worth discussing.
- Kids are a little screwy.
They may tell you they want to do this sport for the rest of their lives and pursue it as an Olympic dream, for ever, no matter what! And also they want a pony.
As a parent, you have so many options.
There is tremendous pressure for you to do the best thing for your kid. There is the very real feeling that you won’t be able to shake off, that your kid is falling behind.
This is multiplied by 20x when your friend’s kid is on a select team that yours isn’t. I live this too.
My twin’s friends are at “shooting camp” for basketball, and mine are not. Why? Because they are swimming or surfing, or we’re on vacation and climbing a mountain somewhere. I get it, it’s real.
And the pressure, this push to practice over and over – it’s especially tough if you’ve only got one child or you’re currently going through this with your oldest kid.
It’s much less problematic if you’re on your fourth child.
All I can tell you, and I didn’t believe it myself, is this: It all sort of equalizes out at about 15-16 years old.
These kids, who were a joke and couldn’t dribble a soccer ball up the field if given a minute, have found something and explode onto the scene like dynamite in high school. You will say to yourself at JV and Varsity games, literally a million times to someone close, “I can’t believe this kid is good!”
You will equally say, “This kid was so far ahead of everyone in sixth grade; it’s crazy. He must have peaked early!”
True, there are some that are better and some that are worse, but an amazing thing happens in these years, and the importance of all that extra…” everything” just kind of washes. (Note: it is then substituted for a whole new “showcase pressure” different article)
Here an Experiment for you!
Watch the parents at an 8-12-year-old game of your choice. Any sport. Be it Softball to TaeKwonDo to Dressage horse riding.
Parents are obnoxious at kids’ games. So it’s entertaining too.
Just watch.
See if you can figure out which parents have their first kid in the sport vs one of their younger ones. Basically, Who are “The experienced parents?”
Not all. OH LAWD! Not all. But most will be much more calm, positive, and supportive. They aren’t worried that their little Timmy missing a layup on an open basket will ruin his career. Most likely, they’ll chuckle, roll their eyes and say, “Whoops, he missed that one. There’s something he can work on” and move on.
First timers? Not exactly like that.
What you won’t see, is that when they get in the car for the ride home, Little Timmy will get a snow cone regardless of performance and the parents will discuss his favorite book or movie and not run a play-by-play recreation of the shitty performance he just had.
Because they know. They’ve been through this all before.
They have the perspective that changes the awareness of just how devoted and dialed in little Timmy is. Not just to the sports but perhaps even just that day. Maybe there was a cute girl watching, or he missed his dog, or his shoes were too tight.
It’s just that despite his game interrupting our day as a parent and perhaps being the focal point of the entire weekend with Uncle Nelly and Aunt Lou in attendance and mom Facebook live-ing that game to 15 states across the union, Little Timmy just had a different mindset because his universe is not an adult universe.
It’s different when you’re an adult with an adult brain.
We’ve all seen that series with Scottie Pippen, Rodman, and Jordan. “I didn’t make the team as a freshman and grew to 6’8’ my sophomore year and blew up on the scene.”
Yep, that happens.
My own son being one of these. Always pretty good, but last year something clicked. He grew, he cared, he just got in touch with his body, and the brain-to-body neural connections started functioning better. It’s unreal to witness. He’s caught up. Even surpassed.
What was it? I’m not sure it was one thing. He got into skateboarding and BMX. He started wanting to try back flips. He watched YouTube videos about nutrition and dove huge into that. All of these things have given him an edge that a million extra free throws wouldn’t have.
Truthfully. He didn’t even have the body control that a million free throws would have been good. He wasn’t wired right yet and most likely would have screwed up his form.
Agh! There’s so much to think of, huh? Too many tangents. Too many factors.
And that’s why everyday people want quick easy answers. But it’s wrong.
So…my take? Count on that. Changes happen!
- There truly is an increased risk with repetitive motion in young Growing Kids.
Doctor time:
I’m going to tell you about a story that I hear over and over again in my clinic. It’s not someone specific, but it happens all the time. An Overuse injury, especially in select sports athletes that are practicing and playing games at an adult Professional level of repetition.
When I see a young baseball player with an elbow issue from overthrowing, poor mechanics because of fatigue, or just because they are in a growth phase and things aren’t working the right way in their body, I typically get a response from the parents of, “ Okay, we’ll take a break- he’s not going to pitch anymore.”
and then he moves to catcher.
Just as much throwing, just as much activity- Not rest, not recovery, nor really a change of mechanics. It’s just a change in position.
You may look at me and think I’m crazy and say, “Catcher? No way, that’s nuts, I’m going to put him in right field. Then he only has to do three or four plays a game.
Yeah, about that. He still has three or four practices a week, and the prescription is this kid needs real rest or an entirely different mechanism.
Kids that play multiple Sports have this built in. They can stop that sport for a while or get to a different season and let the body change the demands on it.
This is not an attack on select sports, you know my opinion on select sports. There are some kids that just dream about and live this sport.
This is more an awareness,
be aware that in repeat motion that is in the same linear and kinetic chains there are going to be more overuse injuries just as a function of that. They are also in a growth phase of their life and should not be practicing and competing as much as full-grown men and women getting paid millions of dollars to do so. It’s a wave function. Sometimes they are fine, and sometimes it’s too much. Add to this that despite seasons, most of these kids are still basically year-round in everything. We live this too. 3 basketball games followed by a soccer game at 6 pm.
So be aware. Know facts: Fatigue is the biggest predictor of injury, second only to “previous injury.”
As a parent, look for some changes. And make decisions based on your kid at that exact moment.
it may be interesting trivia to you, but the sport of team handball was actually developed and invented by a basketball coach looking to improve the ability of his basketball players at the Collegiate level yet give them different motions to get rid of overuse injuries. A genius idea a hundred years ahead of the science. And the science is pretty observable at this point.
Now, if you bring your kid that has an overuse injury into my office, I don’t start this round of discussion; I just start treating the injury. But I do see it.
In fairness, kids that play multiple Sports will probably have a slightly higher incidence of sprained ankles, bruises, pulled muscles than the kids that do year-round one Sport.
However, the overuse injuries that come with select Sports tend to be longer recovery. and more downtime, which drastically affects the athlete and parents.
With this said, without diving deeper into it, a lot of parents just seek different opinions as a confirmation bias looking to find the doctor, physio, PT that will get their kid back into the sport as fast as possible.. I’ve made a career out of this. this is what I do too.
But, there has to be an underlying and overriding application of poor mechanics. no matter how fast I can improve an injury, the real Performance aspect is preventing the injury in the first place.
and if you are a parent about my age, let’s say, born between the 1970s and 2008. We are all under the impression that more is better.
more practice
more games
more Therapies
more rehab
more tools
more is not better. better is better. (link)
strive for better, not more!
This is insanely hard as a coach and a parent. My soccer kids practice once per week and have one game per week on average. That is NOT the best way to develop a soccer team. For the few kids that are on my team that live for soccer, and this is their primary sport, it is a very tough matchup. These kids are looking for more and most likely need more.
So why do I do it?
Because I’m coaching my kids.
I know what they need. I have volunteered so that I can control the schedule and the frequency of practices to fit all of their sports into their lives. Most of them are multisport athletes and are getting plenty of fitness and movement, so I can skip that for the most part and focus on a few key aspects of the game that make a difference. I coach a team of athletes not simply soccer players.
So performance and deeper “plays” take a back step to being able to continue something they love instead of picking one sport to dive into.
I can’t tell you if this is your best approach. It’s just what works for us. It’s not easy. I question it nearly every day, but it’s becoming more and more apparent as I watch the success of my own kids and the ones I’ve coached- that we are doing something correctly.
- Make sure you’re not living your life through your kids’ sports.
Do you know what’s not fair? That last sentence. I hear it, but I think it’s BS!
It’s not fair that the parents that lose their minds in kids’ sports are labeled as “living their life through their kids.”
That’s not fair, and it’s not accurate. These parents care! They want the absolute best and are doing whatever they feel is in their power to help their kids succeed. It’s not vicarious living; it’s adulthood and parenthood, guys. They care! Passionately.
They just have not developed the awareness to see it in a macrocosm of “a lot of things are going on today.”
Neither did I.
4 kids though, a million games both as a parent and as a coach, kind of force-focuses that on a guy.
Last week my youngest son performed pretty poorly at flag football.
Imagine my 10-year-old for a second. He’s big. He’s in his flag outfit: tights and a hoodie made out of tights material with no sleeves. Like something a superhero would wear in the 70s. Jacked for a ten-year-old and playing linebacker.
He wears the coolest cleats money can buy, eye black triangulating down his face, and a mouthpiece that looks like fangs! The ball is hiked, and he sort of just danced a round a little. For Multiple plays in a row. It looked like the “fast feet” drill we had to do as kids. Just chopping in place: “Fast feet! Fast feet!”
Yet he didn’t move 2 inches. Nothing.
He just kind of danced around there like a zombie being electrocuted. Or imagine “Weekend at Bernie’s” if you’re old enough. It was weird.
He didn’t play much.
The Coaches could see he was off, wasn’t contributing much and had to sit him for most of the game as the score was too close to gamble on. My kid was doing basically nothing more than shaking his hands to invisible bongo drums.
I didn’t yell at him, though. I didn’t freak out, and I didn’t tell him what he should be doing. I watched.
Later that day, he heard me telling my wife (she was at a different sport 100 miles away) that he was just off.
“Did you get after him?” “Did you tell him to get with it?”
Me: “No, he was just off. He’s been feeling kind of crappy lately, I think he’s fighting off a cold. I didn’t worry much about it- He’s 10 and huge. He’ll play more football in his lifetime than all these kids, and I’m not sure anyone remembers their stats or win/loss record at ten years old anyway. I just watched him.”
(not the response I would have had with his older brother 5 years ago, by the way)
I added: “You should see these parents, both teams…they’re wild. It’s more noticeable now than I’ve ever seen before, I didn’t need to be a part of that, nor did our son need it. There was enough yelling and sideline coaching for anyone already.”
5 days later…
My kid (after telling me “he had been demoted and wouldn’t start on offense or defense”) got a touchdown, a pass breakup, and the game-winning flag pull! He was an entirely different kid.
In 5 days!
I’m telling you, guys. It’s hard. But let it happen.
- Allow the kids to change.
A few years ago, I ran a survey for The Division 1 baseball team that I was working with.
It asked. “What category do you fit into?” and had three basic answers and a write-in spot for a 4th.
As a D1 baseball player, are you
- the kid that grew up playing select baseball and only select baseball his entire life? You dream about the sport and can’t get enough?
- a multi-sport athlete who, in late High School, gravitated toward baseball?
- the kid that’s played select baseball and quit in late middle school and got back into it in late High School?
Plus, a write-in.
It was pretty cool to see. Basically, the synopsis is that it was equal. 33% each selection. There were a few interesting write-ins that added- “they were the quitters because it just got too much. When they quit, it caused huge family issues and was a nightmare.”
It struck me because I wonder if these kids quit and came back to it, how many quit and did not?
What are those guys doing now?
So in order to not turn this into an entire book. Let’s stop here.
As a parent, I think our primary idea is to keep it fun first. Fun trumps all other aspects of adherence. My little girls could play upper-level soccer right now. They are talented. Each year I ask them. “Are you ready to move on past “dad-coached” teams?
They continue to answer, “I love my team and have a blast every practice and game.”
This mirrors my oldest son’s experience, only discovered a backward way.
He hopped soccer teams his whole life only to get slammed into the ground with a select team in his 7th/8th-grade summer. “It’s way better soccer, but it’s 2 hours away. It kills my weekend. I don’t see my other friends, and I can’t surf. A full day for 1 game in a different town- NOT worth it Dad. I hate it.”
The next season he asked, “Can I get a bunch of friends together and make a “scrap” team? Most of them have not played before, but they’d like to try it out, and we won’t have another chance. High school comes next year, and you’re not just going to “go-out” for a sport cold like that?”
The “Chackas” was born, and we had an absolute blast. The Bad-News-Bears of soccer.
No pressure to win. We were able to laugh at mistakes and silly movements. One kid that never played in his life scored on a header, and we had a huge pizza party to celebrate the unlikelihood of that score. It was awesome. Parents/kids/siblings had a great season of fun. As late as 8th grade!
That season saved soccer for my son. He would have and effectively did quit the sports because the select burned him out.
He’s back, and he loves it and is really good at it too, It’s his 2nd or third favorite sport and fits into his life exactly at the level it should.
To me, as his parent, that’s important.
Over the years, hoops have become his favorite, and the focus of our specifics of sports is toward that. He made the choice and feels no pressure. We support him, correct him if he asks, take him to camps, and give him the opportunity to pursue it however he wants and as aggressively as he wants. It goes in streaks too.
Insanely dialed in at times and he competes mostly in mini-tournaments against big competition. Not the top tier but in the shadows. It’s fun, and developmental, and his game has exploded. He still has time for surfing, skating, and just being a kid too. Football and soccer are still in his life, and he’s a great kid.
The reality is it’s tough, though. Should he be at UNC’s elite camp this weekend instead of fishing/surfing or screwing around with his friends? There’s no perfect answer. But he’s having fun and growing in a lot more ways than just basketball.
And on this…
5) It’s not either / or anymore.
It used to be.
Select or Rec.
It’s still even pitched like this. But what’s coming and what is already here, my wife and I describe as “mini-select.”
It’s these little tournaments that come up once a month that have great competition but not requiring a full-time commitment.
3 games of 20 min halves for hoops.
19 game mini season for baseball.
1 practice a week/1 tournament a month volleyball.
This fits US! Bigger competition and exposure to teams but without the gigantic commitment and cost.
6) allow for a multifaceted and exciting life.
Your kid is more than sports
Even if it’s all they think about. They are MORE!
– Their life is not fully encompassing and revolving around sports at every moment.
This very morning, my youngest, who had swimming practice scheduled, woke up with a burning desire to go fishing. All night long, he had dreamt about catching a monster flounder, and he had just won a kayak through a raffle a few weeks ago.
He begged me to go fishing. I had this gigantic article about kids’ sports on select teams to write, and my kid wanted to go fishing.
So what are we to do?
I’m sure, as you can see by the picture, how this turned out today.
It’s not simple. It came along with a heavy internal Dialogue of
“He’s letting his team down.”
“I have work to do.”
“It’s 100 degrees out and miserable.” (my perspective, not his)
Plus.
The fact that I’m not particularly into fishing.
As you’ve come to see over the last 20 minutes of reading my article, I am crazy about sports.
I think on them. I philosophize.
My kids are crazy about them too. But who am I to say what is more or less important in my kid’s life? That’s their universe. And today, for my youngest, fishing is the most important thing in his world.
It’s not up to me to tell him what should be more important or at what moment.
If anything, I have raised my kids, with the most important factor in their life- to figure out what motivates them and what they love about life and always be open for ongoing changes and ups and downs.
My kid wanting to go fishing is exactly who I have raised him to be. I’m a hypocrite to not allow this.
It all became clear to me in blaring “ice cream truck stereo” one day as we went into extra time with a soccer team I was coaching. The entire season resting on those last 5 minutes of soccer and not one kid giving a single crap about the game. Parents yes, they were committed. The kids? They wanted a caramel drumstick.
So how does it work out in real life?
I’ve been extremely blessed to surround my kids, for the most part, with coaches and like-minded families who understand what we are all about.
The swim coach didn’t even ask a question. I just said he wasn’t going to be showing up today, and we moved on.
Why? How?
Because the coach LOVES fishing too. She gets it.
Her kid is on my soccer team and has often missed practice and games for fishing and surfing. I don’t punish her kid for this. He doesn’t have to sit out the next game. He’s nine years old. Experience life dude!
I understand not all coaches are like this. Not all teams are like this. I very much agree with and live the idea that being on a team is important, and it has certain standards. But age matters.
It’s an entirely different response for my varsity-level kid in high school than it is for my 10-year-old on a swim team as his seventh sport.
Now is not the time to make a stand and we have actively sought out like minded coaches.
No. It’s not my time to say you have to decide which one matters most and then stand by it when he quits swimming altogether. It’s another reason why, despite my kid being good at swimming, we don’t have them on a year-round “Select swim team” because a select team’s obligations and expectations are slightly different from a recreational team.
Again, I’m not telling you what to do with your own child. I am just giving you a bit of a different perspective.
Despite my kids being fantastic competitors, they tend to participate in mid-level sporting teams because of the crazy dynamic we have with multiple kids involved in multiple sports with multiple loves.
That’s just us
I’m going to offer another example of this as I think it helps build a point.
My nephew just tried out and made the team for a high-level “majors” Little League baseball team. The goal and mindset of this team is a push for the Little League World Series.
.
it’s one of those competitive baseball teams that are just a cool summer experience. If you have the chance and ability -you HAVE to shoot for this.
The trouble and the pressure that the parents experience is real life- if they happen to get hot enough and get to continue on all the way to Cooperstown, the season would cut six weeks into his football season.
You may foresee the issue.
His football coach is every bit as committed to the football team as his baseball coach is to the baseball team. This puts pressure on the parents that trickle down to my nephew.
It may truly be a case of, “You need to pick what’s more important.”
It’s a shame. And although they aren’t anywhere near this decision yet, just the idea of it is enough to feel stress. It’s kids’ sports. My nephew has tried 10 sports, excelled, and loved them all. An 11-year-old shouldn’t need to “pick.” especially if one of the options is the Little League World Series! We definitely shouldn’t need to stress “what-ifs!”
But we do. We all do.
In a perfect world, the football coach calls the parents and says, “I am 100% supportive of your 11-year-old taking it all the way to playing a game on ESPN and having a lifetime memory. Can’t wait to get him back with us when his season is over.”
But that’s not how every Coach is.
Who knows what the football coach says? Or even if it gets to that point.
“Find another team.”
“Your kid isn’t going to start the first three games.”
“If he misses practices, he doesn’t play.”
“I’m 100% supportive of this fantastic for you guys. I’m glad he’s involved.”
I don’t know what the answer is, and neither do my brother and sister-in-law
It’s their duty to find out, and then they may have to make a tough decision. There are no perfect answers in the world of competitive youth sports.
So instead of perfect, you have to seek out the best answer.
You may have to get a real life assessment of your child. Not what you think is best for them but what would your kid most enjoy doing?
Maybe there is a way to do it all!
My family is insanely involved with worldwide traveling and the same thing comes up when we travel.
Every coach, most of whom have children of their own, would tell me, “Yes- it’s fantastic that you guys take trips to Kenya. I love that! Do more! That’s how you raise kids!”
Yet. Bench my kid because he was gone for a week of summer workouts.
There is no perfect.
All I can tell you, as a means to reduce pressure/stress/anxiety, and regret; is typically within a couple of practices, my kids have caught up to whatever discrepancy they had while they missed practices. At the end of the day, almost every coach is going to play the kid that is the best at that position for that game, despite what is said.
The best players will rise to the top and play more, hence where the stress comes from in the first place. Be honest to yourself and your family then. Is your kid one of the stars of the team? If so, it’s probably different decision-making.
Take summer workouts. The coaches get really into who can benchpress and squat the most.
It is important and is a great metric of determination, commitment, and drive. But at the end of the day, or better phrased, at mid-season, it is the kid that can play football the best that sees the field as a starter. Don’t forget that.
So what do you think of select sports doc?
Ok, fine…here’s my answer. This time for real.
“I don’t know.” “It depends.” “It’s complicated.”
I don’t know your kid or your exact circumstance.
Here’s the summary I’d share as a guy with a little bit of expertise in a few issues pertaining to competitive youth sports.
-Variety is superior if your kid fits into that. But…
-Some kids are just built for one sport, and select teams fill that niche. If this is your child, make sure that there are other activities that put variety into their life. Not simply more reps of a skill for that sport.
-Let change happen.
-Nurture your kids. If they LIVE for a sport more than you do… well, allow for that but be up for change if you feel burnout or boredom growing.
-Your kid won’t fall behind. Ok, they will. For about 3-4 practices – then they’ll be right there with them. It’s the law of the universe that, with improvement and assent up the ranks – skill levels start to match up.
-Find an appropriate league and level. “Select” has many different faces. A true year-round select basketball team is not for my family, but these little weekend “3-game mini tournaments” have popped up everywhere and fit our family perfectly.
If they are bench riders on a super-select team above their level- it sucks. They’ll hate it. Every bit as much as being a superstar of a terrible team. I know, as parents, we often seek the absolute best team. I just mentioned the assent-to-skills ratio – but there’s a limit of “asset to detriment” that just can’t be overcome, especially while riding the pine. Mental trumps physical.
Find the level where they play and have success in a fun environment. I can practically guarantee growth when you hit the right level.
- Be wary of too much training. Recovery truly is the new performance enhancement (it’s SOOOO hard as a parent and coach to abide by it, though!)
– Have fun. As a parent and as a kid. They’re not going to listen to you much (see “why we’re not experts to our kids), but they are watching how you react and respond.’
-Ask for advice as IDEAS and perspective only. Never let someone make a choice for you.
-Realize that there is HUGE money in youth sports. Nearly every company will promise “Olympic development/scholarship opportunity/visibility to D1 coaches” etc. “There’s going to be scouts there?! ” yeah I’ve heard that at U8 games. c’mon man.
-Be ok with performance swings that look like an EKG readout. These young guys and girls are in the process of neural development, and it happens in all sorts of waves and is maddening to observe.
-Lastly. Enjoy the ride. There is no better feeling than watching your own child see something, make a change, learn from it, make a correction, and improve all on their own, often in one trip down the court. It’s development. It’s resilience, it’s life all happening right there in front of you.
There is nothing better and maybe my favorite reason for my love of sports!
Sports Doc DC 